Friday, August 10, 2012

Feeding Frenzy

I think that we've been through every feeding method know to man with Molly and Jackson over the past 18 days.  From nursing, to syringe feeding, to pumping and bottle feeding, to bottle feeding formula, back to a combination of nursing and pumping, and finally just pumping and bottle feeding breastmilk.  Just typing all of that was exhausting! 

Syringe feeding Miss Molly      Multitasking with bottles!
When we found out that we were expecting twins, I just assumed that I would breastfeed them.  It never even crossed my mind that we might have issues with poor latching, excessive weight loss or immature/inefficient sucking reflexes.  Then the twinfants decided to make their appearance a bit early, and here we are.  Because they were "normal" sized babies, it's easy to forget that they were several weeks premature...  but their eating issues certainly give them away.  Neither one of them latch well, and they burn more calories trying to nurse then they are take in.  Breastfeeding just isn't working for us. 

I have stressed and worried more about how and what they are eating, and tend to forget that the important thing is that they are eating.  Since making the decision to pump exclusively, they have both gained weight and are much happier babies.  So why do I feel like a failure when it comes to feeding them?


  1. Oh sweetheart, you are wonderful. Get that word failure right out of your vocabulary. Babies do what they need to do and all our plans for them just might not go perfectly. Are you loving them? Keeping them fed and clean? Are you holding them and making sure they are safe? Then you are perfect just the way they are. Breast feeding is great but if they prefer a bottle and they are gaining weight that is the right thing. Motherhood is all about give and take, you will make many mistakes along the way but the important thing is that your children are loved, and they are.

  2. Breastfeeding and everything that goes along with it is very emotional, but you are doing an excellent job! Every drop of breastmilk you give your babies is beneficial, no matter how they get it. You're an awesome mom!

  3. I could have written this same post -- word for word. In fact, I think I almost did! I had beautiful images of myself tandem feeding my twins blistfully and beautifully. But, like you, the babies just weren't getting what they needed from breastfeeding -- latching badly and getting overtired from the effort. They'd knock themselves out after 15 minutes of feeding without actually getting much of anything out of it and would be starving 30 minutes later. For a while, I kept directly nursing late at night for comfort (for both of us) but my nipples were getting so sore from pumping and the babies were getting so good at sucking on the bottle nipples that it was just plain hurting when they clamped down and, still, just placating them for a few minutes.

    So, I've gone to exclusively pumping. And, I feel like I'm punishing myself and I feel SO jealous of women who talk about breastfeeding directly -- singelton or twins. And, I feel guilty and like I've failed. Others can do this, why can't I?!! And, it doesn't seem to matter that I want to make myself feel better about it that I'm doing the most I can for them. The failure feeling is still there.

    But, screw it. Guilt is ridiculous. We're both doing what we need to make our babies happy and healthy and grow big and strong. And, every bit of breastmilk counts and, even if we have to change to formula entirely, it's still all that matters that the babies are thriving and that we love them.

    They're adorable!! :)

  4. Look at those little pumkpins!!! So adorable. How is using the pump, is it easy to use?
    xoxo Susan