Thursday, September 29, 2011

Friends in Low Places

I have been all over the place lately.  I can go from super happy and positive to bawling and devastated in five minutes.  It's times like these that you need great friends to kick you in the butt and say "You can DO this.  Everything will work out just like it's supposed to!".

On Tuesday night, a friend brought this plaque to work:

We were talking last week about how appropriate it was that we're doing an egg "harvest" during the Fall.  It hadn't even occurred to me, but it doesn't surprise me that she would pick up on it.  She's just one of the most amazing, selfless people I know and I'm so, so glad that she's in our corner.  We brought the plaque to Houston, and it's hanging in our hotel room as a constant reminder of how much our friends support us on this journey.  

Last night as I was packing for our trip, another friend showed up with this:

A group of friends that we work with got together and packed this bin full of goodies.  They even sent 20 one dollar bills for the vending machines at the hotel.  From Paul's favorites (peanut butter and Coke Zero) to the caffeine free tea and Sprite for me, it is obvious how much thought was put into this box.  Yesterday, I spent an hour at Target wandering around because I knew that we needed stuff like this.  However, in true Mary style, I got frustrated and walked out with some shampoo and a bag of Jelly Bellys.  Not helpful.

I'm just humbled by the awesome group of people that we choose to surround ourselves with.  There have been so many times when I questioned telling everyone what we were going through.  Today, I can boldly say that we made the right decision.  All of your prayers, texts and positive thoughts have made this so much easier for me.  And if we stumble this time, I know that you'll be there to help us prepare for the next hurdle.

"Thank You" just doesn't seem like enough, but it will have to do.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Did I say optimal? I didn't mean it.

Today pretty much sucked...  That's all there is to it. 

I had my estrogen level drawn after work at 7:30 this morning, took my am shot, and went to bed waiting for the nurse to call with my results.  At 2pm, I called her to see if she'd heard from the lab, and she hadn't so I called to check on my results.  They had just printed (yeah, right...) and the lab tech was going to fax them immediately.  An hour later, my nurse called and she still hadn't received the results, so she called to get them and called me back.  Here's where my day turned to complete and utter crap.

Here's how our lovely phone conversation went:

Nurse:  Well, your estrogen level is 55, so stay on your current regimen and we'll see you Friday at 7:30. 

Me:  Wait... Friday?  No, I have an appointment on Wednesday.

Nurse:   At 29, we expect your estrogen to be 500 by now, so there's no need for an ultrasound on Wednesday. 

Me:  So what do I do?

Nurse:  Just keep taking your injections as scheduled.  The doctor is gone for the day, but I'll text him to see if he wants to change anything and will let you know if anything changes.  See you Friday!

I was half asleep, and so in shock that things were going wrong that I couldn't even correct her and tell her that I am NOT 29-  I am 30 now, and that is a huge number in the IF world!  30 and 35 are benchmark BAD years.  I don't even know what to say or think.  I'm just so disappointed...  I've canceled our hotel and re-booked for Thursday night.  Tomorrow, I am going to call the nurse to see what insight she can offer when I'm not in a zombie-like state, and I've had time to process this.

At least I now have a reason for my continued headaches.  This stinks.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Optimal is a Good Word

So the trip to Houston was a success.  According to the BabyMaker, everything looks "optimal" for this cycle.  My ovaries are nice and sleepy- not a cyst or budding follicle in sight, and my estrogen levels have plummeted to abysmal levels (cue headaches and nausea!).  Paul and I high-fived over the ultrasound machine while I was getting re-dressed and agreed that it's great to be optimal.

We are plunging ahead, and I start my 3-injection-a-day regimen tomorrow.  Woo-hoo!  Who knew I could be so excited to jab myself with sharp objects and inject a cocktail of meds guaranteed to make me feel like complete crap?!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Breakdown #1

I've been on Lupron for 8 days.  The first 5 days were a breeze- the occasional hot flash, but nothing serious.  Life on Lupron was G-O-O-D good.

Last night, I got a headache.  By 7am, it had escalated to a full-blown, light-sensitive, vomit-inducing migraine.  Thank God I don't have to work tonight, because today was spent alternating between crying, throwing up and reciting all of my vital info to myself-  I was sure I had developed a head bleed from all of the aforementioned vomiting.  Any moment, I might have forgotten my social security number and would need to wake up the hubs to take me to the hospital.  As of 10pm tonight, I still know who I am and have a post-migraine hangover.  I have survived Breakdown #1 of this IVF cycle.  It was a doozy.

I guess this is what I get for feeling all smug about escaping the "major" Lupron side effects, huh?  Paul, in his infinite wisdom, had a fabulous suggestion.  Instead of being negative about feeling like complete shit, I should view this a "cool experiment on what different drugs do to my body".  God bless him- I know he was trying to help improve my frame of mind, but that probably wasn't the best way to do it.  You've got to give him credit, though.  He was trying to help, and I know that I'm incredibly blessed to have such a supportive, caring husband.

I just keep repeating my mantra:  This will all be worth it!

***We're going to Houston for suppression check on Thursday.  Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for no cysts and sleepy ovaries!***

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I've been Lupron-ized!

As I write this, hoards of mini Lupron warriors are galloping through my body.  My ovaries are shrieking and cowering in fear.   If either ovary so much as thinks of producing an egg,  the Lupron Army will know and assert its dominance.    If they try passing sneaky notes to my pituitary gland in hopes of a Hail-Mary pass?  No go.  The Lupron has it under control too.    You are officially suppressed, little ovaries.  Go to sleep, and await further instructions.

On Egg Patrol- it's serious business!

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Funkiest of Funks

Or, why nothing remotely crafty has been going on around here!

It's not that I don't have projects to complete, trust me- I do. I just don't have the energy to do them!  Lately, it's been easy to blame this on hormones or other completely-not-my-fault things, but I've got to take some responsibility for this craziness that has become my life.  I'm pledging to get out of this craft rut soon.  Perhaps today, but probably not, as I'm facing two more nights of work and I must sleep sometime.

Also, a bit of an apology:  This blog began as a way to chronicle my life, and it just so happens that, right now,  my life is about needles, ultrasounds and visits to Houston lately instead of granny squares, quilt blocks and fun girly stuff.  I promise to add more exciting, colorful crafting soon.  There are tons of unwritten moments to be had, and only so many of them can be about babies and how they get here! 

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Lucky Socks?

I admit that I stalk way too many blogs about infertility, but it appears that I have grossly overlooked a vital component of the IVF process.  I need Lucky Socks.  These could be ordinary socks, picked up at Target because I love the pattern, or perhaps a pair of hand-knit socks from Etsy because I like the Store Name...  I don't care where they come from, but from now until September 27,  I'm on a mission to find my very own pair of Lucky IVF Socks for my egg retrieval and frozen transfer.  I can't have cold feet in the OR, right?

TheStorkDropZone's Lucky Socks!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

One Step At A Time

I apologize for my lack of posting-  I'm a bit overwhelmed.

I came home from work on Saturday to find a huge box on my front porch. It's taken 2 weeks and a bizarre game of phone tag between Walgreen's Specialty Pharmacy, Houston IVF, my insurance company and myself, but my meds have finally arrived. After I unpacked the box, I sat and stared at this mass of syringes, needles and vials and my first thought was, "What the HELL am I going to do with all of this?".     :)

My Giant Basket-O-Meds

There are days where I wish I could warp through some pipe like Mario and come out in another world- where the outcome of this process has already been revealed. Other days, I want to hold on so tightly to each second, because I feel like things are on the edge of spinning dangerously out of my control.  This is all completely normal, I know.  It's just a new feeling for me, because I am usually so completely in control.   There aren't enough adjectives to describe the gamut of feelings I run through in any given day.

One adjective that works every day?  Hopeful.  For the outcome of this IVF cycle of course, and also for the fact that it seems Fall is attempting to arrive!  We haven't had a 100+ degree day in almost a week, and it has rained recently. Here's proof!

Hope all is well in your corner of the world, and that you're enjoying great weather as well.   I appreciate all of you that stop by to see how our story is unfolding!